Ok... the past week has been TOUGH on me. I'm gonna be frank. It's been AWFUL. You know, it's easy to keep your peace and joy when things are going great. It's even easy to keep it when things are just starting to go downhill, because it's easy to keep believing that God will fix it. But when you spend day after day, night after night, crying out to Him, begging Him to fix your problems and give you some relief from the storm you're under, and He isn't answering you in the way you want Him to, it becomes a lot more difficult to keep that peace and that joy. Fear, anxiety, stress... they all overwhelm you and you find yourself sinking quickly into a sea of desperation. Remember Peter? Jesus asked Him to trust Him, and Peter blindly walked onto the stormy sea towards Him. He was so excited, and so in love with Jesus. But then those waves started lapping up at him, and he took his eyes off of Jesus for just a MOMENT. ONE MOMENT. That was all it took before he began to sink. (Matthew 14:22-36)
That's been my week. I started out so strong in my faith (so I thought!) and following Jesus. Then the storms took over (our financial crisis) and I became more cut-off from my wonderful, supportive, and encouraging Christian friends, and I looked at the storm instead of at my Savior. I could hear Him telling me the entire time "You have so little faith, why did you doubt Me?". But yet, I continued to doubt. Even now, my faith is nothing like it was just a week ago. I'm struggling. I KNOW that God is not going to leave me in trouble. He's going to take care of me and my family. He always does. But the enemy is whispering in my ear on a constant basis, trying his best to deceive me with his lies. "He's forgotten you. He doesn't love you anymore.", "He isn't real. God doesn't exist.", "Why do you care? Why do you strive for righteous living when He chooses to leave you in this pit of despair?". I was even considering leaving my husband at one point this week. Yes, you read that right. Because I don't love him? Nope, I adore my husband. And I am completely against divorce after going through it once already. But because I had let the enemy convince me that the only solution to our financial crisis was for me to leave my husband and go back to Alabama. That way, we could get government assistance with food and necessities, and my husband could get a smaller, cheaper home to live in here that would be more affordable. Satan convinced me it was what needed to be done, that it was what was best for all of us. I even TOLD my husband I was leaving him. In a text. Thank God for an awesome friend who I texted asking for prayer telling her what was going on. She snapped me back to reality and helped me to put my focus BACK on my Savior. So many lies, and I've come SO CLOSE to believing every one of them, even though I KNOW they are lies. Not only because the Bible tells me so, but because my life experiences tell me so. I KNOW THAT MY SAVIOR LOVES ME, and that He will provide my needs, and He will rescue me from this storm. But yet I doubt.
Yesterday, I did the 2nd lesson in the Women of Faith study entitled "Living Above Worry and Stress". The title of this lesson is called "Fear and Trembling". It was packed full of great advice, quotes, and scripture references intended to help you build on your faith and overcome your fears. I'm going to share some of my favorites with you.
they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
4 Then the Lord said to him, “No, your servant will not be your heir, for you will have a son of your own who will be your heir.” 5 Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!”
6 And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.