Thursday, June 30, 2011

Day 3-The Calm After The Storm?

I survived another morning of 5 a.m. eggs and toast and coffee. This is getting easier. I can feel your prayers through this! Thank you so very much. My hubby was extra affectionate last night, and this morning. I can feel that my intentions through this are coming to fruition. My husband is feeling TREASURED! It's a wonderful feeling to know that the man I love, the man that goes to work every day, working long hours in and out of the intense Florida heat, then coming home and doing whatever I need him to do around here, and getting up and starting it all over again the next day, well, he KNOWS I love him. Not because I SAY it, but because he FEELS it. Thank You, Lord, for helping me to see what has been missing in my marriage! As I pour my love out on him, he does the same in return, and I am feeling treasured! How wonderful is that? God is really doing something here, and I soooo can't wait to see where He goes with it!

But, true to my nature, let's keep it REAL. Yesterday was a DISASTER. My littlest one, Nate, has been dealing with an infected toe for days. We don't have health insurance on him yet (working on it) and our financial situation is BAD right now, so we couldn't take him to the doctor or urgent care. I'm just not the type of person to run to the ER for non-emergency things. So, I was ignoring advice from family and friends to do so for this. I had a ROTTEN attitude yesterday. I was angry, bitter, tired, emotional, and just NOT a Proverbs 31 woman. I looked nothing like the woman portrayed by Solomon. I mean, verses 25 and 26 were some far off fairy tale compared to my actions and attitude yesterday. With the mixture of my son's ailment and my deep stress over our financial burdens, I did NOT honor God at all with my actions, attitude, or demeanor.

Thankfully, our God is a god of grace and mercy. I spent some time this morning after my dear hubby left for work just on my face crying out to Him. Crying out to Him, as the pastor where we are attending church calls it, "Crisis Style: Pray like you've really ticked some people off, they're chasing you and now you're trapped with no way out---your life is in danger." So, I did. I cried out to God about our critical and disastrous financial situation. I cried out to Him about my horrible example of His heart yesterday. And I begged Him to help me to be content with whatever plans He has for my family. As a laid there, on the floor, face to the ground, pleading for a miracle, and pouring my heart out to my Creator, you know what happened? He met me there. He took my tear-stained face in His hands, and told me "Daughter-I have overcome the world!" I love that :) I love how the God, THE ONE TRUE GOD, the One who created the universe, the One who holds heaven and earth in the palm of His hand, loves me, little ol ME, enough to come down from His heavenly throne, take me in His arms, and just LOVE me. He loves me like a Daddy loves His brokenhearted little girl. How cool is that? My prayer for the rest of this day is that I continue to walk in THAT MOMENT. To remember that, even though my situation looks bleak, He is STILL in control. I'm going to believe Him for a financial miracle for my family, but more importantly, I'm going to believe Him for a much BIGGER miracle: a miracle in my doubting, wounded heart. Will you pray with me today?

I leave you with a scripture that I read in Isaiah last night:

19 O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem,
you will weep no more.  
He will be gracious if you ask for help.     
He will surely respond to the sound of your cries.

Isaiah 30:19 (N LT)

And another of my favorite songs:

How He Loves
David Crowder Band

(Verse 1)
He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And O how He loves us
Oh, O how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves

(Verse 2)
We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

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